INSANE RIDE OF EMOTiON

GUESS WHAT??? I am actually going to graduate. Perserverance pays off let me tell you. So many emotions are going through your head. where am I going to? What am I going to? My life doenst seem easay. But if life was easy it would be no fun. The Lord loves me giving me adventures. so many struggles have brought me closer to Jesus Christ. I feel him in my heart. If I perservere and I discipline myself I can do anything. The Lord Gives me Love and thats all I need. My friends have helped me soo many lives; Joe Wegman, Christina, Rosanne, TJ, Ashley, Danni, Patrick, Dave, keith, Evan, and many others have touched my life and made me a better person!! thank you for giving me the gift of perserverance and the gift of LOVE and openeness!!!

Being Blessed

I need prayer. I need Jesus. I am not alone in the striving to be Holy. I swear the theology of the body was created for me to see how much God loves us. He created us. He reedeemed us. He calls us to Live holy lives. Sister Mary Gabriel told me once. " Jesus loves you so much more because I am a sinner". He loves me soo much. At times I may struggle with that. But I must always prayer everyday. Wherever I am I can pray to JESUS. If Jesus calls me to live as a Sister of Life then I am really blessed. We are all blessed and I will thank God everyday for the gift of my vocation.

A Pictures from my excursion

The Lord works in mysterious ways

So I have not updated this in a while. This past weekend on went on a retreat to the Benedictine Nuns of Greenburgh PA. I never ever would imagine that my heart would wonder if I would ever join a cloister . I love to pray to Jesus and just give him soo much . There are things in this world that I love doing. I love going places, meeting new people and having fun with friends. I was given some great advice from the Sisters and esecially the 2 ladies that I met on retreat. I love all the Sisters. The prayer is soo intense. but maybe I need the intense sructrue in my prayer life to conquer the evil one and so I can live a chaste life. St. Emmas draws you to prayer, to the people. The people are soo nice, and you just feel so at home. I just love going places but when I was their I really didnt think about leaving. At times I thought about my schooling but that is expected seeing how it has given me so much struggling. But I think that when i finish my class I will have a peace in my heart. I want that peace. I want that journey to be complete. If it is the Lord will of course. So many places I have thought about and wanted to intitally join. I am not saying that I will be a benedictine but something about his place just makes me wonder if I could do the cloister thing, and be a nun that wakes up at 5 AM and prayer is her life. Could I do it every day 365 days a year. I do not know that answers yet but hte Lord will reveal himself to me if I make the Lord the center of my life and day and depend on him for everything. That is my one struggle. Fully trusting. and being hard on myself with all my struggles. I just need otbring it to him and everything will be fine. Go in PEACE. and if you ever feel down remember. Rise AND SHINE GIVE GOD THE GLORY (Thanks)!!!!!!!

Confessions of a Roman Catholic

I have been going to confession since the day before my first communion. My first penance was terrifying. A few of my classmates and I were sitting on the stairs next to the confessional waiting for our catholic school priest Father Brown to call us in. Waiting my turn time seem to last forever. However, when I was called in time moved fast. When I waked into the confessional I made the sign of the cross. After sitting I don’t remember much about what happened. But I remember Father going down the Ten Commandments asking me if I honored my parents, treated my brother and sister with respect, and etc. After I confessed I remember being able rattle off the act of contrition. The priest also talked about my grandpa and my father because he knew them for many years. For many of confessions after I went to the same pastor because I knew him and knew what to expect. When my home parish would hold penance services I would wait in line just to see him. My brother, sisters and my father would have to wait a while for me to finish. The years I attended middle school my first confession pastor Father brown went in a nursing home and he was unable to attend our penance services. So, when the penance services came I went to our current pastor because I was familiar with him. His long was line but I did the best I could to wait. At this time I was getting older and my mentality of confession was that I just wanted to get it over with. So confession was with whichever priest was free. Their were two priests that were their for most penance services so I went to one that didn’t hear very well, and one that asked you, “How often do you eat, and how often do you pray. As I grew up, attended middle school and High School I never really saw the point of confession. I really didn’t think that I did any that bad that I needed to tell a priest. After graduating from high school I didn’t participate in confession until my second year of college. I really didn’t think I needed it when I first entered college. But not being able to practice the faith my going to mass every Sunday I fell into some improper behavior. One night I remember a bunch of us were playing Truth or Dare and throughout the game I participated in some improper behavior. Because I knew what I did was wrong I needed to revisit the sacrament of reconciliation. So probably the next day or a few weeks later I was able to participate in mass, and the confession. The night before I remember going over what I needed to do and gain courage to ask a priest on my own if he could hear my confession. I remember the priest saying he would be able to hear my confession after mass. So, throughout mass my stomach was in knots. After the mass the pastor of the church and I entered the confessional and he turned on the confessional switch. I waited patiently for him to undress from mass. He came back and we began. I said Bless Me father for I have sinned its been three years since my last confession. He then said “Welcome BACK”. The Sunday that I confessed was three days before Ash Wednesday so it was close enough to Easter to make me happy. After confessing I was relieved and happy I revisited the sacrament of reconciliation. When I graduated from GCC I was happy I would be able to attend weekly mass. Because of circumstances at the end of the semester I needed to revisit the sacrament of reconciliation. For a few weeks I tried to figure out when I could visit the sacrament. Fortunately my pastors anniversary was coming up and we were holding a reception after mass, so I figured asking him during the reception would be an ok time. After mass all the parishioners went down to the basement and began to celebrate. When I ran into my pastor I asked if he could hear my confession. We went up to our sanctuary and we both sat down. I was nervous but it felt good to get some things off my chest. My next endeavor with the confession was on the Assumption.

"Candice wear a habit"...

Sometimes is so hard not to comtemplate what order to join. I know that right now in my life I have to work through some personal issues. I doing so my mind came back to the first order that I went ot visit; The daughters of St. Paul. What is it about the that makes me jump up and down and want to stay pure, holy and be closer to our Lord Jesus Christ. I have the gift of music to give to the Lord. Ever since I came back from the Sisters of Life I have taken time out of my day to practice my saxophone. The Lord gave me the talent and I want to use it to spread the word of God. It sems he also have given me the talent to write about my struggles and joys in my life. It seems that with those two talents they would seem best fit with the Daughters of St Paul. But who knows right now. The Lord JEsus Christ knows right now. He will let me know in his own time. The DAughters would stretch me in so many ways, that I wish I was with them now. Buts its not Gods time for me to wear a habit. I will wear a habit when he says "CAndice wear a habit. For now I will pray, continue to write my journey down, and find a way to stay connected to the the Daughters of St Paul. Eventually I will begin to post my story I am writing called 'Confessions of a Roman Catholic". This story is about my experiences with confession, But it is turning into my journey of my struggle with SSA and all the people who I have encountered on that journey and what htey have taught me and what I have learned.

Which color habit should I wear

So just last weekend I just went on a retreat to the Sisters of Life. It was about the Thelogy of the Body. It was amazing to be with the sisters. But I swear this time they put me in a haunted room. Coutning this retreat I have been on three retreats, and never have I had nightmares. The first night I was their I dreamt their was ants crawling all over my wall. When I saw the ants I wents to find a sister. But some tall boy was trying to hold me in my room. I tried to scream but I couldnt. Their was also a girl standing in the corner of my room . I asked them to scream for help but nothing happened. I also found out in the dream that someone killed themselves or was murderd in a Villa Maria. Then I woke up very abruptly at 2 AM. The next time I was up for adoration at 3AM. One of my dreams was that someone was after me and trying to kill me so I went to be with my campus minister where it was safe. Then I woke up to find my door was wide open like someone opened it. It was creepy!!! I thought someone was going walk into my room. Anyways, I also had a dream where I saw the vocation director the to the Daughters of St. Paul, Sister Margaret Michael. I remeber Sister and I taking about me not loving myself and what God created. We also talked a lot about my sexuality and me not accpeting something about myself. But through this retreat Ive come to accept myself and I know what I need to do for my next step. Becuase Im starting to accept who God created me to be Im starting to have Daughters of St. Paul withdrawls. It was weird because when I came home I caught myself a few times saying "The daughers of St. Paul" when I was talking about my experiences at Villa Maria. I dont know somedays like today I think I can use my talents more with the Daughters. Both of them have amazing charisms. I feel at home both places. I remember Sister Meg saying that you need to be chase for a few years. Now I have the "fire under my butt" (quoting Sister Meg) to advance in my discerment to see where God is leading me. So which color should my habit be White or Blue? Ill let God decide!!! :)