Part II: In him we live

We obtain all our energies from the Eucharist. The Eucharist is our strength and guide. When we are lost and cannot find our way Jesus will show you. Nothing can keep anyone from the Eucharist except for ourselves. The Eucharist draws us near to something pure and holy. Each time we sit in front of the Eucharist is different. But everything is new in Christ. Sometimes we just want to escape in the Eucharist. The Eucharist, the place to escape to where newness and wholeness remain. Our newness is created through JEsus Christ. The savior of the World. Everytime we look at the Eucharist wonder and awe, and the love of the Lord show us we can be set free from our sins. Sins will never hold us captive but the lord will hold us captive with his love. This love we see througout the gospels and throughout time. We see this love through the people we see, the relationships we make and the experiences that we carry. The love of the Eucharist will never die, The Eucharist says to us, Come to me all of you and I will give you rest. I yearn everyday for the passion of our Lord JEsus Christ who gave up his life so that we may have it. Love never ceases in the Eucharist. Our hearts will never grow weak when we have the Eucharist in our daily lives. I hungered and yearned for the Love of JEsus everyday until I found him in the Eucharist. The Eucharist is where I will stay. Nothing can tear me away from the Eucharist. Amazingness.!!! The gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all have acounts of the Lords Last Supper. For example in Luke 22:14-21 we read, "When the hour came he took his place at table with the apostles he said to them. "I have eagerly desired to eat this passover with you before I suffer, for I tell you I shall not eat it (again) until there is fullfillment in the kingdom of God." Then he took a cup, gave thanks and said, "Take this and share it among yourself for I tell you (that) from this time I shall not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God calls". Then he took the break said the blessing and gave it to them sayings, " This is my body, which will be given up for you: Do this is memory of me. And Likewiss the cup after they had eaten saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood which will be shed for you". However in the time of Corinth the Last Supper was not being celebrated as it should. Paul, an apostle of Christ tells us of abuse of the Lords Suppper. He states, " First of all I hear that when you meet as a church there are divisions amoing you and to a degree I believe it... When you meet in one place then its not to eat the Lords Supper. For in eating each one goes aghead with his own supper and one goes hungry while another gets drunk. Do you have houses in which you eat or drink? or do you show contempt for the church of God and make those who have nothing feel ashamed. The Lords Suppper was intended for us. It was not intended for abuse. To think of abusing the Lords meal would be just plain wrong. AS we recieve the Eucharist we need and should examine ourselves body and soul. Paul contributes to that thought saying," A person should examine himself and so eat and drink the cup, for anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eat and drinks judgement on himself.

The Eucharist at a deeper Level PART 1

Ever since I heard FAther Jack talk about the Eucharist I have made connections about the Body of Christ, and I possibly had a few insights before the retreat but didnt put two and two together until I think possibly this moment. Ever since second grade I have been recieving the Eucharist. The first time I recieved the Eucharist was on the tounge and it tasted like an ice cream cone. But as I have grown the Eucharist means so much more to me. Growing up Altar Serving became a part of my life. Not until I went on the March for Life in 2008 did I realize the importance of being brought up a server. Being a server you are literally close to the Eucharist. I think thats as close as you can get without being the priest and without being in the tabernacle with JEsus. Seeing how my mother and father sat my brother, sister and I in the front I guess it was only natural for me to be close to Jesus. Being a server meant I was able to sit near the consecration, and hold the patens when people were recieving communion. I served many masses and confirmations. Confirmations made me feel like an important person because I was helping the bishop, the head of our diocese. The first confirmation I served I held the Bishops hat (or mitor). But I didnt realize that I was intimately close to the Eucharist when I talked to Father Joe on the march for life. I was telling him about my past volunteering with the Churcfh and I mentioned that I altar served for many of years. He then mentioned, :So you are close to the Eucharist". This would make sense because Im helping Jesus serve the Last supper by helping him prepare, cleanup and I would say serve it. But the Eucharistic ministers and the priest and eacons are the servers of the Eucharist. AFter I stopped serving is when I was kind of unsure of how to become close to the Eucharist. It was after FAther O'Connor made the comment that began to visit communities. When I saw the postulants and novives at the Daughters of St. Paul helping with mass. I though to myself, "They are serving mass". Ive also seen others such as the Sisters of Life preparing for mass and for such things as exposition and adoration. At the last retreat (my first) retreat with the Sisters of Life I built a huge strong relationship with our Lord and Savior. I learned to Let JEsus love me. That occured when we had a healing serive with the monstrance and the priest blessing you with Jesus (Amazing). Now today at 3:10 Everything seem to change when the Blessed Sacrament appeared in the chapel. When you see Jesus placed in front of everyone nothing else matters at that moment. When the monstrance was placed in the Altar the Altar and the church seem to be transformed into something wonderful and amazing. I want to see Jesus placed on the Altar every moment of my life. Its sad JEsus Died for us but what came out of it was beauty and his body in the Eucharist on display for the world to see.

O Master Jesus Way TRuth and Life Is this where you are calling me to be?

My first day of silence!!

Jan 3, 2008

So I made it to Villa Maria. Im so excited to be here but I cant tell anyone that except for the Lord Jesus Christ. Im going to be doing a lot of talking to the man upstairs. I am going ( Moy hopes and dreams for this extened silence week is to give everything I can to the Lord and give up the will I want for my life and let Jesus Christ who is Lord of everything show me his will.

Lord,

Help me to focus energy on my prayer , your love, forgiveness, your never ending grace, and most inportantly help me to completely and 100% open to vulnerability your will be done. Let it be done to me according to thy will. Help me to let go of what I have wanted for a long period of time. Because you might have something that will give me greater happiness. Never let me stray away from you who gives me grace, peace and love forever and always.

May the upcoming days be filled with your love and Grace


AFter Dinner at Villa Maria at 7:00

My mind is racing with so many questions of what to ask the Lord and why I am here. Is it the people? Do I feel this way becasue I am overtired? Is it because I havent given into sin since monday?

8:00

Why am I here? Why does this question plaque me so? Is it that I want to find you? I know that you are in the Eucharist and I keep coming to you with the questions of my life. Is that a sign or am I reading into everything too much. Why am I thinking about, "When do the others make silent retreats? I love the Sisters passion. But you cant see much in silence. You can see joy that they have for the Lord in their hearts. I need and want to be like them. The Daughters of St. Paul are lingering in my head. Waht is it about them that draw me towards them. The Salesians? Yes? I was drawn to the Salesians but I realized God was not callilng me towards them. I went to visit the Benedictines nuns of Emmitsburgh PA but that was to focus on prayer and become calmer in my interior. I went on a Byzantine Catholic pilgrimage and that was powerful. Micrcosm of prayer and tradition. Then I went to visit the Sisters of Life Nov-14-16 and it was a powerful experience. The Lord showed me his love on my birthday. Amazing Birthday Present. I also was drawn to the Sisters Joy and their passion for Jesus. I remember Sister Mary Gabriel telling me first I had to work on why I didnt understand why God loved me through all my sinfulness. So, I went to him, opened up, and let him love me. It was powerful. I was in a silent prayer day when he told me that. He loved me and I understood it. I want to enter into that again. I feel like this is a dream that Im sitting in front of JEsus Christ the Nazorean. I feel likes it a dream that through everything I have done JEsus Loves ME. O Soo cool. Whats next Lord? Why am I Here? To find that again That Passion for you? My Vocation? I will focus on one thing? To Let go and Let God. I do think too much Lord. Its like Theresa of Liesieux. Did she ever not trust in you?There isnt an ounce of my body that wants to go against you. No more!!! A snack?!! When I allow myself to be loved by you nothing else matters But you!!! There is so much in the world that I worry about but help me to take it one moment at a time and one day at a time. Why so I worry? No more worry? Each day for four you.

Well my wanting to be a Sisters of Life become stronger throughout the week.

Be Still and Know I am God!!

Is it you that wants me to ask or is it I who wants to ask!!

Silence Experience with the Lord

Between January 3-11 I attended a silent retreat at Villa Maria in Connecticut with the Sisters of Life. Ever since my first experience with the Sisters in November I wanted to visit again. After I graduated I wanted and needed to be silent with Jesus and listen to where he was calling me. Fortunately I found that The sisters of Life gave private and directed retreats throught the year and their was one that was coming up right after the new year. I almost was not able to go on the retreat. The day after New Years my mother and I were down with the flu. UP to the night of the retreat I was still feeling the flu. But the next morning I boarded a bus to connectict and I made it Stanford in one piece. The next coming blogs are my experience in Silence with the Lord Jesus Christ.

Did God have to write papers?

DID GOD EVER have to write a literature review??? NO!! Then why do I have to write one?? Cause apparently thats what college students have to do. I am doing the best I can on this paper. Its soo difficult, I can write papers on my life and relating to life. THIS IS HARD! BUIT IM IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING IT!!! AS im writing this paper so many things are going through my mind. ONE BIG QUESTION IS WILL I FAIL THIS CLASS??? Im sso scared to fail!! Ive have done my best and its not fair for students who have trouble taking tests. I have tried to understand wahts going on in the class. What is the deal Lord!! I am starting to understand this!! Will I ever have to write this when I am a Daughter???

Sisters of Life experience

Silence on The Friday of the retreat:

Dear God,

Help me to find you love today I dont understand. I know that you are there but your love I dont. Show me your love. Help me to surrender to your Holy Will.

Im scared to tell you everything I think and feel. I know that you wont judge me being vulnerable to your love scares me. I would like to know what I want to do with my life and I like to have control over my life. I know I choose to do whats right or wrong. I need you as a guide. I need you as my light. I dont know how to surrender to your love. Help me to earse all expectations of my mind and help me to just be in your presence. Your presence is all I need. With my sins I turn away from your face. I dont want to turn from your love which I dont completely understand. I sit in the front I phys.. (all I wrote).

AFter Silence at the Bus statation:

I feel Christ moving within me. I dont completely understand it. I have this surge of energy within me. I feel I need to proclaim to the world that Christ loves them . The Lord was shown to me through the Sisters of Life. I saw such passion in their eyes to want to serve the Lord. For the past few years I have struggled with Gods unconditional love and mercy. This weekend something changed in me. Being in Adoration, going to mass with the sisters, and listening to them speak was the works of the Holy Spirit. Last night after the healing service I was so energized to know that God was their for me. Sister Mary Gabriel suggested I lay prostrate before the blessed sacrament. She suggested it to me before the retreat and I did it once before. But at that time I still had fear of what people might thing about me if I was laying in front of Jesus. This time after the healing service their was a fear but it was smaller than my wanting. So I layed prostrate in front of the Lord Jesus Christ. Not caring what anything/ or what anyone would say I surrendered. It wasnt like a big "O my goodness" JEsus love me moment but little tiring throught the weekend or these things are big with the Lord(doesnt make sense but this is what I wrote). I felt God's greace increase in me throughout the weekend. I have a passion and deeper passion to go before the blessed sacrament wherever it is. MAke a spiritual communion and increase my faith, trust and compassion for him. Because of my passion I am writing this at a pbus station right after I prayed the chaplet of the divine mercy with the book that Sister. G gave to me as a gift. THe Lord is Love. His GRACE IS ENOUGH!!!!

PLEASE LORD SPEED UP

Somedays I wished that Gods will sped up!! Like TODAY!. I love the SISTERS OF LIFE NO QUESTIONS THERE. Todays was one of those days that I had where I just wanted to be with JEsus!! I just want all my homework and school work to disappear. I was able to eat with my friends today which was great. This evening I was able to pray before the lord in our little chapel. For some reason I felt uneasy afterwards. ONly becasue I was trying to pick Gods will randomly. What I did was I put the two orders that I have visiting along with two blank pieces of paper. I put them on the altar, prayed for a bit and then I chose one of them. During my prayer time I also prayed the Rosary and I became very excited. I am excited and scared at the same time to do Gods will. THe funny thing is it never picked what I beleive in MY HEART IS GODS WILL. When I was visiting the Sisters of Life one of the girl discussed how many thing led her to join the Sisters. A lot of the things that I have experienced has fit what I feel CAlled to do. When I went to Visit the DAughters they help me learn to be open and honest with Christ. Thats one big lesson I will never Forget. Then I visiting the Sisters of ST. Benedict in Ferdinand Indiana I cleaned the Fatimas statues, including their sheep, and even though I was face to face talking with my vocation director I was REALLY Talking to MARY Who was watching us speak. The later I went to Visit the Benedictine Nuns and their I happen to clean their Fatima statues, and the sheep!! The later I visited the Salesians and they pray a lot to MARy. They prayed the Angelus, and the Rosary!! Then REcently I went to Visit the SIsters of Life and they ARE BIG ON MARY.. WE also played a Saints game. The zasaint that we had was the saint that picked us for the weekend. MY st was eliZABeth and on the Sisters of Life website they discuss Elizabeth~(quite tired Ill elaborate later). Everything seems to fit the Sisters of Life! I REALLY Do like the Sisters of Life because they are deep in prayer a lot of their day. I feeel called to do a lot of praying but just not 24 hrs. I have had a few sisters ask me if I was called to contemplative . I want to pray soo much and minister to people. I know some may say Im going soo fast but Im not entering tommorow. I applied to be part of the Lamp Ministry. They minister in NYC And help the disadvantaged find Christ. During my ministry I hope to start possibly applying for the SISTERS OF LIFE. I feeL God is calling me to this service so I can learn more about community life and about myself. I defintely will enjoy it and look forward to wearing the HABIT!! I think HABITS ARE COOL!!! I feel The SISTERS OF LIFE ARE THOSE PEOPLE! I KNow I need to wait patiently for the LORD!! Hopefully I can talk to SISTER G. about a possible silent retreat with them to unwind and to pray with Jesus FOR A WHILE!!! I know I will have my struggles but I willing to keep REPENTING AND FULLY RENOUNCE!!!!!!!!!!