I kept waking up thinking I was not going wake up. My mind was racing late last night. Late being defined as late for staying up in a convent. At night it seems its when I have the hardest time staying silent. By 9:00 Im like "What do I do now" then my mind starts racing. I need to give myself a pattern of getting up and going to be at a certain time. It kind of drives me nutns that mass it at a certain time. (late that that is). Thats a retreat I guess. Buts its very interesting interesting to walk into the refrectory to find no one eating breakfast at 8:00 in the morning..but a sister just walked in so I dont feel all alone. But the room that I am in one the second floor scares me. Its down a long hallway and its freakishly quiet and Im not used to the sounds the building makes or the green flash on the smoke detector. But Ive only been here since Saturday and its Monday. Be right back have to go get more tissues. Ok Im back. Its so silent in here, you can here the birds singing ouside and you can smell the incense from the day before. When Just went into my hallway it smelled of ham or something new. Everytime I pray I will ask you the same question: Is this where you are calling me? I want to hear the rythmn of your voice. I want to here you want me. Im going to talk to the Lord. Ill write more after morning prayer.
15 minutes before mass
The song all I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you...It still smells like incense
After Mass 12:10
Did I miss something or they didnt open the tabernacle during mass. I am enthralled my Sister Emanuelle (forgive spelling) voice. Her voice is a gift from God. From some reason I think she is from Austria. But anyways, My Love for Jesus is soing stroing and I want to serve him. Everything about the sisters makes me happy. I feel I am called to be here. Please say it is so Jesus christ. Thus for I had more momemts of excitement of being with Christ than not. There have been moments of confusion of what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I want to keep you in my heart forever Lord. Will their be times of spiritual drynes. Sure. Every saint goes through that. Earlier before mass I was thinking about my postulancy but I had another thought but I cant think of what it is exactly. Why does the thought of the daughters come into my head. Perhaps their is a connection between FAther Alberione and Sister Maria Faustina.
1:30
When I was younger I was afraid to try new thing because I was afraid of what people might think. At times that still reigns in my memory but it doenst matter when its me and the Lord. I am not afraid to Follow the Will of God. I am not afraid to hear what people have to think about what I am going to do with the rest of my life.
2:45
I am excited to see the Blessed Sacrament come out and put in the monstrance for the world to see. I see Jesus and it makes me extremely happy to know that our Lord and Savior will never leave me. Why am I worried no one will show up. I want the world to see that Jesus christ is Lord. I want to preach it to the hills that the Glory of God reigns forever more. The lord giveth and the Lord taketh away blessed be the Lord. Its amazing the Lord is present in the Eucharist. Oh Jesus how I Love thee better than a spring day that has a perfect breeze. Exposition is about to begin and I am waiting in anticipation for the Jesus Christ who is, who was and who will be to come. Fillipino nun is cool and prayful. She does various jobs on the altar, and is. Nothing will ever change the fact that I Love the Eucharist a lot and want to be with him body, sould and divinity in the Eucharist.
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