Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Did God have to write papers?
DID GOD EVER have to write a literature review??? NO!! Then why do I have to write one?? Cause apparently thats what college students have to do. I am doing the best I can on this paper. Its soo difficult, I can write papers on my life and relating to life. THIS IS HARD! BUIT IM IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING IT!!! AS im writing this paper so many things are going through my mind. ONE BIG QUESTION IS WILL I FAIL THIS CLASS??? Im sso scared to fail!! Ive have done my best and its not fair for students who have trouble taking tests. I have tried to understand wahts going on in the class. What is the deal Lord!! I am starting to understand this!! Will I ever have to write this when I am a Daughter???
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Sisters of Life experience
Silence on The Friday of the retreat:
Dear God,
Help me to find you love today I dont understand. I know that you are there but your love I dont. Show me your love. Help me to surrender to your Holy Will.
Im scared to tell you everything I think and feel. I know that you wont judge me being vulnerable to your love scares me. I would like to know what I want to do with my life and I like to have control over my life. I know I choose to do whats right or wrong. I need you as a guide. I need you as my light. I dont know how to surrender to your love. Help me to earse all expectations of my mind and help me to just be in your presence. Your presence is all I need. With my sins I turn away from your face. I dont want to turn from your love which I dont completely understand. I sit in the front I phys.. (all I wrote).
AFter Silence at the Bus statation:
I feel Christ moving within me. I dont completely understand it. I have this surge of energy within me. I feel I need to proclaim to the world that Christ loves them . The Lord was shown to me through the Sisters of Life. I saw such passion in their eyes to want to serve the Lord. For the past few years I have struggled with Gods unconditional love and mercy. This weekend something changed in me. Being in Adoration, going to mass with the sisters, and listening to them speak was the works of the Holy Spirit. Last night after the healing service I was so energized to know that God was their for me. Sister Mary Gabriel suggested I lay prostrate before the blessed sacrament. She suggested it to me before the retreat and I did it once before. But at that time I still had fear of what people might thing about me if I was laying in front of Jesus. This time after the healing service their was a fear but it was smaller than my wanting. So I layed prostrate in front of the Lord Jesus Christ. Not caring what anything/ or what anyone would say I surrendered. It wasnt like a big "O my goodness" JEsus love me moment but little tiring throught the weekend or these things are big with the Lord(doesnt make sense but this is what I wrote). I felt God's greace increase in me throughout the weekend. I have a passion and deeper passion to go before the blessed sacrament wherever it is. MAke a spiritual communion and increase my faith, trust and compassion for him. Because of my passion I am writing this at a pbus station right after I prayed the chaplet of the divine mercy with the book that Sister. G gave to me as a gift. THe Lord is Love. His GRACE IS ENOUGH!!!!
Dear God,
Help me to find you love today I dont understand. I know that you are there but your love I dont. Show me your love. Help me to surrender to your Holy Will.
Im scared to tell you everything I think and feel. I know that you wont judge me being vulnerable to your love scares me. I would like to know what I want to do with my life and I like to have control over my life. I know I choose to do whats right or wrong. I need you as a guide. I need you as my light. I dont know how to surrender to your love. Help me to earse all expectations of my mind and help me to just be in your presence. Your presence is all I need. With my sins I turn away from your face. I dont want to turn from your love which I dont completely understand. I sit in the front I phys.. (all I wrote).
AFter Silence at the Bus statation:
I feel Christ moving within me. I dont completely understand it. I have this surge of energy within me. I feel I need to proclaim to the world that Christ loves them . The Lord was shown to me through the Sisters of Life. I saw such passion in their eyes to want to serve the Lord. For the past few years I have struggled with Gods unconditional love and mercy. This weekend something changed in me. Being in Adoration, going to mass with the sisters, and listening to them speak was the works of the Holy Spirit. Last night after the healing service I was so energized to know that God was their for me. Sister Mary Gabriel suggested I lay prostrate before the blessed sacrament. She suggested it to me before the retreat and I did it once before. But at that time I still had fear of what people might thing about me if I was laying in front of Jesus. This time after the healing service their was a fear but it was smaller than my wanting. So I layed prostrate in front of the Lord Jesus Christ. Not caring what anything/ or what anyone would say I surrendered. It wasnt like a big "O my goodness" JEsus love me moment but little tiring throught the weekend or these things are big with the Lord(doesnt make sense but this is what I wrote). I felt God's greace increase in me throughout the weekend. I have a passion and deeper passion to go before the blessed sacrament wherever it is. MAke a spiritual communion and increase my faith, trust and compassion for him. Because of my passion I am writing this at a pbus station right after I prayed the chaplet of the divine mercy with the book that Sister. G gave to me as a gift. THe Lord is Love. His GRACE IS ENOUGH!!!!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
PLEASE LORD SPEED UP
Somedays I wished that Gods will sped up!! Like TODAY!. I love the SISTERS OF LIFE NO QUESTIONS THERE. Todays was one of those days that I had where I just wanted to be with JEsus!! I just want all my homework and school work to disappear. I was able to eat with my friends today which was great. This evening I was able to pray before the lord in our little chapel. For some reason I felt uneasy afterwards. ONly becasue I was trying to pick Gods will randomly. What I did was I put the two orders that I have visiting along with two blank pieces of paper. I put them on the altar, prayed for a bit and then I chose one of them. During my prayer time I also prayed the Rosary and I became very excited. I am excited and scared at the same time to do Gods will. THe funny thing is it never picked what I beleive in MY HEART IS GODS WILL. When I was visiting the Sisters of Life one of the girl discussed how many thing led her to join the Sisters. A lot of the things that I have experienced has fit what I feel CAlled to do. When I went to Visit the DAughters they help me learn to be open and honest with Christ. Thats one big lesson I will never Forget. Then I visiting the Sisters of ST. Benedict in Ferdinand Indiana I cleaned the Fatimas statues, including their sheep, and even though I was face to face talking with my vocation director I was REALLY Talking to MARY Who was watching us speak. The later I went to Visit the Benedictine Nuns and their I happen to clean their Fatima statues, and the sheep!! The later I visited the Salesians and they pray a lot to MARy. They prayed the Angelus, and the Rosary!! Then REcently I went to Visit the SIsters of Life and they ARE BIG ON MARY.. WE also played a Saints game. The zasaint that we had was the saint that picked us for the weekend. MY st was eliZABeth and on the Sisters of Life website they discuss Elizabeth~(quite tired Ill elaborate later). Everything seems to fit the Sisters of Life! I REALLY Do like the Sisters of Life because they are deep in prayer a lot of their day. I feeel called to do a lot of praying but just not 24 hrs. I have had a few sisters ask me if I was called to contemplative . I want to pray soo much and minister to people. I know some may say Im going soo fast but Im not entering tommorow. I applied to be part of the Lamp Ministry. They minister in NYC And help the disadvantaged find Christ. During my ministry I hope to start possibly applying for the SISTERS OF LIFE. I feeL God is calling me to this service so I can learn more about community life and about myself. I defintely will enjoy it and look forward to wearing the HABIT!! I think HABITS ARE COOL!!! I feel The SISTERS OF LIFE ARE THOSE PEOPLE! I KNow I need to wait patiently for the LORD!! Hopefully I can talk to SISTER G. about a possible silent retreat with them to unwind and to pray with Jesus FOR A WHILE!!! I know I will have my struggles but I willing to keep REPENTING AND FULLY RENOUNCE!!!!!!!!!!
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