Confessions of a Roman Catholic

I have been going to confession since the day before my first communion. My first penance was terrifying. A few of my classmates and I were sitting on the stairs next to the confessional waiting for our catholic school priest Father Brown to call us in. Waiting my turn time seem to last forever. However, when I was called in time moved fast. When I waked into the confessional I made the sign of the cross. After sitting I don’t remember much about what happened. But I remember Father going down the Ten Commandments asking me if I honored my parents, treated my brother and sister with respect, and etc. After I confessed I remember being able rattle off the act of contrition. The priest also talked about my grandpa and my father because he knew them for many years. For many of confessions after I went to the same pastor because I knew him and knew what to expect. When my home parish would hold penance services I would wait in line just to see him. My brother, sisters and my father would have to wait a while for me to finish. The years I attended middle school my first confession pastor Father brown went in a nursing home and he was unable to attend our penance services. So, when the penance services came I went to our current pastor because I was familiar with him. His long was line but I did the best I could to wait. At this time I was getting older and my mentality of confession was that I just wanted to get it over with. So confession was with whichever priest was free. Their were two priests that were their for most penance services so I went to one that didn’t hear very well, and one that asked you, “How often do you eat, and how often do you pray. As I grew up, attended middle school and High School I never really saw the point of confession. I really didn’t think that I did any that bad that I needed to tell a priest. After graduating from high school I didn’t participate in confession until my second year of college. I really didn’t think I needed it when I first entered college. But not being able to practice the faith my going to mass every Sunday I fell into some improper behavior. One night I remember a bunch of us were playing Truth or Dare and throughout the game I participated in some improper behavior. Because I knew what I did was wrong I needed to revisit the sacrament of reconciliation. So probably the next day or a few weeks later I was able to participate in mass, and the confession. The night before I remember going over what I needed to do and gain courage to ask a priest on my own if he could hear my confession. I remember the priest saying he would be able to hear my confession after mass. So, throughout mass my stomach was in knots. After the mass the pastor of the church and I entered the confessional and he turned on the confessional switch. I waited patiently for him to undress from mass. He came back and we began. I said Bless Me father for I have sinned its been three years since my last confession. He then said “Welcome BACK”. The Sunday that I confessed was three days before Ash Wednesday so it was close enough to Easter to make me happy. After confessing I was relieved and happy I revisited the sacrament of reconciliation. When I graduated from GCC I was happy I would be able to attend weekly mass. Because of circumstances at the end of the semester I needed to revisit the sacrament of reconciliation. For a few weeks I tried to figure out when I could visit the sacrament. Fortunately my pastors anniversary was coming up and we were holding a reception after mass, so I figured asking him during the reception would be an ok time. After mass all the parishioners went down to the basement and began to celebrate. When I ran into my pastor I asked if he could hear my confession. We went up to our sanctuary and we both sat down. I was nervous but it felt good to get some things off my chest. My next endeavor with the confession was on the Assumption.

"Candice wear a habit"...

Sometimes is so hard not to comtemplate what order to join. I know that right now in my life I have to work through some personal issues. I doing so my mind came back to the first order that I went ot visit; The daughters of St. Paul. What is it about the that makes me jump up and down and want to stay pure, holy and be closer to our Lord Jesus Christ. I have the gift of music to give to the Lord. Ever since I came back from the Sisters of Life I have taken time out of my day to practice my saxophone. The Lord gave me the talent and I want to use it to spread the word of God. It sems he also have given me the talent to write about my struggles and joys in my life. It seems that with those two talents they would seem best fit with the Daughters of St Paul. But who knows right now. The Lord JEsus Christ knows right now. He will let me know in his own time. The DAughters would stretch me in so many ways, that I wish I was with them now. Buts its not Gods time for me to wear a habit. I will wear a habit when he says "CAndice wear a habit. For now I will pray, continue to write my journey down, and find a way to stay connected to the the Daughters of St Paul. Eventually I will begin to post my story I am writing called 'Confessions of a Roman Catholic". This story is about my experiences with confession, But it is turning into my journey of my struggle with SSA and all the people who I have encountered on that journey and what htey have taught me and what I have learned.

Which color habit should I wear

So just last weekend I just went on a retreat to the Sisters of Life. It was about the Thelogy of the Body. It was amazing to be with the sisters. But I swear this time they put me in a haunted room. Coutning this retreat I have been on three retreats, and never have I had nightmares. The first night I was their I dreamt their was ants crawling all over my wall. When I saw the ants I wents to find a sister. But some tall boy was trying to hold me in my room. I tried to scream but I couldnt. Their was also a girl standing in the corner of my room . I asked them to scream for help but nothing happened. I also found out in the dream that someone killed themselves or was murderd in a Villa Maria. Then I woke up very abruptly at 2 AM. The next time I was up for adoration at 3AM. One of my dreams was that someone was after me and trying to kill me so I went to be with my campus minister where it was safe. Then I woke up to find my door was wide open like someone opened it. It was creepy!!! I thought someone was going walk into my room. Anyways, I also had a dream where I saw the vocation director the to the Daughters of St. Paul, Sister Margaret Michael. I remeber Sister and I taking about me not loving myself and what God created. We also talked a lot about my sexuality and me not accpeting something about myself. But through this retreat Ive come to accept myself and I know what I need to do for my next step. Becuase Im starting to accept who God created me to be Im starting to have Daughters of St. Paul withdrawls. It was weird because when I came home I caught myself a few times saying "The daughers of St. Paul" when I was talking about my experiences at Villa Maria. I dont know somedays like today I think I can use my talents more with the Daughters. Both of them have amazing charisms. I feel at home both places. I remember Sister Meg saying that you need to be chase for a few years. Now I have the "fire under my butt" (quoting Sister Meg) to advance in my discerment to see where God is leading me. So which color should my habit be White or Blue? Ill let God decide!!! :)

Guess What! Not so much!!!!

My life has always been an interesting ride but recently it has become a rollar coaster that I would only like to ride once. So, a few weeks ago I fould out that I didnt really graduate college. Here is the story. During the early morning hours of a Thursday back in December I came back from the library at around 1:00 am. When I walked up to my buiding door I saw a friend standing at the door. He opened the door for me and told me the school's ambulance was coming to my door because my room was unresponsive. My roomate and I went to the hospital. I rode in the front of the ambulance. Not a fun experience. Anyway, we arrived at the hospital a few minutes later. In the meantime we went to get food. I ate some sort of sandwitch at 3:00 am to keep me awake, and something else that tasted funky. When we arrived back at the hospital we waited around a half an hour to finally hear someone could go back and see our roomate. I comforted our roomate and we got her in the car to go back to campus. As we was trying to get to bed she started to breathe heavily and gasp for air. Then she got into her bed, started to seize, and stopped breathing in between her seizures. So we called the ambulance again and this time the actual ambulance came. They sent her back to the hospital. At this time it was around 5 am or so. So around 7 am they came back to the dorms. The night before I was walking back at 1 am my plan was to work on my paper that was due the next day all day until I had other responsiblities. Becase of lack of sleep I couldn't function and work on the paper. So, all day I was bascially a walking zombie. I was impressed enough I was awake enought to have a conversation with an Amazing sister from the Daughters of St. Paul, Sister Margaret Michael. Anyway, when I came back from my responsbilties in the afternoon after dinner I crashed for a few hours. The next day my paper was due and their was no way I knew I could finish it. I sent an emaiil to my teacher explaining the situation. The next day I went to class and asked her about my email. She told me she didnt give out extensions and would take off 20% but would accept the paper later that day. Because of my paper being 6 pages I was in trouble. I handed it what I had. I knew I needed the class to graduate. So I begged for a D, which I figured would give me a 2.0, which would be enough to graduate. Well, the day before graduate she gave me the D and I thought I was in the clear. Well, I walked an everything. Then I just found out that I really didnt have a high enough gpa to graduate. So, right now Im in the process of getting permission to take the class independently so I can have an expensive piece of paper with my name on it. Because I dont know if I can take the class or not my future is kind of on hold. If I cant take it now then I might have to take it in the fall, which would change my plans dramatically. But if Its the will of God then let it be done according to thy will. It will be hard on me but maybe my story will help others do well. I know that part of me not finishing my paper was my fault, and not asking for help when I didnt udnerstand what I was supposed to do. I wished I did things differently but everything I did I have learnd from and gain experience from.